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2009

Best in Show: TIE! Team Remvs and Team Romvlvs
Photo by Harvey B. Silikovitz

History was made at the 2009 Idiotarod.

First, there has never has been a tie for best in show. It's usually pretty easy. There is one team that out shines all the others. Plus ties are pretty lame (see soccer). But this year there were two entries that equaled each other in every way. Both won us over with their matching Chariot Carts (475 pounds each), their intricate costumes (seriously, they missed the announcement of best in show because they were changing into their after-party robes). They both had epic entry music (if you have speakers, you're listening to some of it. Turns out if anyone in a close radius to the race could have picked up the song on an FM Station.), they both had march chants, their bribes were dozens and dozens of boxes lined with fake fur, filled with chocolate, booze, scrolls of roman porn, leather whips, a copy of Caligula, and of course some "special" cookies, Both of these teams encompassed everything that is right about this amazing event. They did not throw one egg, they did not leave our city a mess, and they Danced like crazy people to loud Roman epic music! The only thing that was a noticeable difference between the two teams was use of color. One wore Red the other Blue. This slight difference caused the Judges to debate heavily on who was better the Bloods or the Crips. It was decided that the Blood have a much better name and superior gang sign, but the Crips have much better parties. If we can't choose between the Blood and the Crips how could we choose between these two carts? And so for the first time in Idiotarod history there was a tie.

Photo by Lobster Rocket The second bit of history that was made this year is a back-to-back best in show winner! At least twice teams have come close. The FakeWork ladies were robbed the 2005 when they rocked the Octopussy cart (they won in 2004.) And last year coming off their Guitar Hero win in 2007, Troop 666 seemed to have the 2008 best in show in the bag. It is really hard to beat a roaming Wrestling Rink on a flat bed truck. But of course, Team Danger Zone and their fighter Jet flew in. At one of the check points as Teams Remvs and Romvlvs marched in, a member of a veteran team was over heard saying, "The only thing I've seen that can equal these guys was that Top Gun cart last year." Exactly. That is why the only team that could equal Danger Zone was Danger Zone. It is extremely hard to put the amount of time, work, and thought that team Danger Zone/Remus/Romulus put into the Danger Zone cart. It is even more difficult to put in the same effort and energy two years in row. We are all grateful that they did. So grateful in fact that team COBRA has passed off the organizing of future idiotarods to them!!! So when we say they WON the race, we literally mean it.

Best Industrial Design: SteampunKK
Photo by Jacob Pritchard

This award tends to go to race veterans. This year was no exception. Normally, when a team wins this prize it's pretty much just the cart that everyone remembers. Often people can't recall what the team members were wearing. Thankfully, Team SteampunKK is not the norm. The thought and detail that Team SteampunKK put into their costumes actually added to the amazing cart that they built. The bat wings, top hats, jackets, goggles, and even the bribes of glass ampoules of whisky gave the cart more personality. One of the most beautiful carts ever entered. Oh, and it wasn't just pretty, it did work too. It created steam, and coffee!!

Best Sabotage: Violent Gnomes
Photo by Anna Fischer

You know Team COBRA has a weakness for some good old fashion Sabotage. Every year the judges spend way too much time debating this category. Last year we had to give it to ourselves because the sabotage was so weak. But this year several teams tried to come up with some actual race sabotage. The Gnomes had two members that were wearing Judges uniforms (very similar to the COBRA judge Jumpsuits). The two judges went around and took bribes, and best of all they gave teams directions to inaccurate checkpoints. Yay, Gnomes!

Honorable Sabotage mentions:
Nuns: Locking carts together
The person at the after party that stole the pant-less member of Team Couch Potatoes pants, while she was dancing without them on stage.

Best Bribe: Mercenary Bakers
Photo by Jacob Pritchard

Not only were the judges of the race given many baked goods (as would be expected from a team of bakers), but judges were also given little menu cards. The cards had a list of things that the judge could order up. There was even an option for the bakers to sabotage other teams. This team knows the way to COBRA's heart, food and sabotage. Oh, and they brought the freezing finish line people coffee. The bakers also finished first and had a very good showing of library cards. Something the finish line ladies love to see, not hear... shhh...keep it down.

Best Dance Team: Bermuda Love Triangles
Photo by Zodak

It's as if they expected there to be a dance off competition. Let this be a lesson... be prepare for anything and everything. Not only was this cart one of COBRA's favorites, but all the other carts seemed drawn towards the Love Triangles too.

Best Psych Out: FWPD (Fakework)
Photo by dietrich

COBRA's collective hearts skipped a beat when these stylish officers approached each checkpoint with their sirens blaring. Not kidding. We thought it was the real cops every time. Freaked us out. FakeWork should also get mention of having the best Idiotarod parents. FakeWork Mom and Dad were on hand yet again to nod in approval.

Best Story of Cart Acquisition: Little Lebowski Urban Achievers
Photo by Ryan Muir

This team had an amazing cart at the start. It had a bowling lane that folded out, and they bowled! Of course we know the luck of The Dude. Not surprisingly, after another team peed on their rug, their whole cart just fell apart. Since they were low on milk for their white Russians anyway, they threw on some robes and went to the nearby Food Emporium. They found the manager and said, "I don't know if you know, but there's a shopping cart race going on. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta wha-have-yous. We would like to buy this milk and to borrow a shopping cart." And it worked! They had to leave an ID as a deposit, but they joined back up with the race, and finished! We assume they returned their cart back to the store. We can only hope the name on the ID was El Duderino.

Best Triumph Over Self-Sabotage: Team Don Simon

They got stuck AT THE STARTING LINE because THEIR OWN ROPE wound around their wheel and immobilized their cart - so they accidentally sabotaged themselves, very effectively. They didn't have a knife or scissors or anything. The tried to get the rope out of their wheel but it was wound up and knotted. They sat at the start line for like 10 minutes after all other teams had left. Cobra finished cleaning up. They were still there. They only got the rope out of the wheel after one of them chewed through it.

Best Job Keeping in Character: Wayne's World! Party Time! Excellent!

Car! This team ran through three boroughs singing the Bohemian Rhapsody. They scha-winged, and foxy ladied, and asked if we might have some Grey Poupon. Game On!

Honorable mention: Tallahassee Tourists
Ya'll were so ignorant, and yet so endearing.

(Dishonorable Mention) Worst Job Keeping in Character: Blue Man Group
talk...talk, talk, talk...talk

Team Least Prepared to Run 6 Miles: Rum Sun Fun Airlines
Photo by Urbanblitz

These ladies showed up in skirts, fishnets, light jackets, drunk, and in HIGH HEELS!! Made all the guys look like a bunch of whiney feathered wimps. Oh, wait...

The Don't Stop Believing Award: Rancios Recuerdos
Photo by Megan Lyn

Last year they had a goal to come in last. They were crushed when they got to the finish line 2nd to last. It t easy for them to accept that defeat. They were in denial for months, but then they remembered that this is America, you can do anything you put your mind to! So they picked them selves up, brushed themselves off, and decided to give it one more try. On Saturday at 4:49 almost an hour after the last team had crossed the finish line, a red car pulled up. Five very drunk, very happy people fell out and yelled, "Did we do it?! Are we last?" When they learned that they were indeed last team to cross the finish, they went crazy. They hugged, kissed, cracked open some more beers, hoped back into the car and drove away. Yes, it was a bit worrisome... but the point is dreams were made once again at the idiotarod!

2008

Best in Show: Danger Zone

When was the last time you thought about those junior high slumber parties when you and your friends would watch the Volleyball scene in top gun over and over and over? Apparently these guys reminisce about those nights much more often than the rest of us do. There are certain things that every best in show must encompass.

  1. A kick ass cart. These guys had a fighter jet that blew smoke, had retracting wings, and of course it blasted “Danger Zone” when ever it took off!
  2. Bribes. These guys were handing out cigar boxes with the DANGER ZONE emblem on top. When you opened the box there was, chocolate, whiskey, special brownies, porn, and of course a dildo. They handed out tons of these boxes, not just one or two. Although, we should point out that the brownies did cause several COBRA members to get a bit paranoid, and they had to leave the race a bit early.
  3. Costumes. Danger Zone showed up in fighter outfits, flight control outfits, and they of course had all whites for the after party.
  4. You must stay in character the whole day. They serenaded us all with “that loving feeling”.

Danger Zone raised the bar even higher for the rest of us. We can’t wait to see what you guys bring next year! Although, we probably could do without all the Cocktail carts this might inspire for next year.

Sabotage
  1. Cobra - 0 helicopters, 0 mounted cops, 0 paddy wagons, only one angry little cop at the start.
  2. Gnome Camp - Fake check point
  3. Carticus - Locked carts together and threw the (fake) lock keys into the Gowanus canal
Bribery
  1. Antoinettes (Fake Work) - Every year these ladies bring their A game. They are, after all, the original Best in Show winners. Every year these ladies take home some cash. This year they out did the rest of you with their jell-o shots, beautiful boxes filled with cupcakes, and of course they asked every judge, “May I give you some head?” as they presented a cake in the shape of a head. Thank you ladies!
  2. Staten Island Ninjas - Uhhh.. Hello? They are *Ninjas*, trained assasins. They bribed the judges simply by letting them live.
Purple Heart Award
  1. Burt Reynold's Mustache – One left in an ambulance.
  2. Hair Cult for Men – One might have broken a hand.
  3. Culture Club/ 7 Deadly Sins tied – both these teams ended up losing more blood than any race team should.
Most Surprising Completion of the Race Despite Un Unwieldy Course
  1. Colonel Angus – These guys stopped at all the checkpoints and both the mini checkpoints and still crossed the line first.
  2. Cold Master Union
  3. Taste the Rainbow
Industrial Design
  1. WWF (Troop 666) - They had a traveling wrestling ring!! Come on! Spider and the rest of Troop 666 followed up last years Best in Show performance with some real life wrestle mania. Even though Troop 666 and COBRA are sworn enemies, we would like to thank Spider and crew for allowing us to pile dozens and dozens of carts in their wrestling ring. When our cart removal guy skipped out on us you guys came through. We will always be grateful. Thank you guys!
  2. Team Rambo - A double decker cart that Rambo used to attack the rest of us from. To be honest it was a bit scary to watch, but still an impressive design.
Special Awards
  • Spirit- No Sheep Til Brooklyn. Just look at them! But don’t count them, it makes you sleepy…
  • Sweetness- Taste the Rainbow. These Skittle Kids were the first ones at the starting line (before the organizers). They were warming up doing laps around the park as Mom looked on. We just wanted to eat them up!
  • Best Recruitment of new members along the course- SaKKred Cow (Kostume Kult) – These guys picked up actual Hare Krishnas along the way. Only in New York.
  • Cart with the most miles- CROC Hunter. These guys were from Australia, saw the Iditarod in Alaska, were in Canada for some reason, and decided to NYC for race.
  • Keeping it Surreal- Easy Listening.
  • Made me feel old and bored- Internet Meme
  • If you are going to throw something how about dried corn- The Amish
  • Most unlikely to bring their mom- Mad Max – Nothing like dressing up in leather with four of your best friends and asking Mom to take your picture.
  • Best Loss of Security Deposit- Chefs – They actually took their stove apart and put it on their cart.
  • TV reference award- Arrested Development – These never nudes only took down a few banners along the way.
  • Fabulous so Gay and we love you for it- The Bedazzlers
  • Best Cobra Cart- Ebbin. Maker of the COBRA cart
  • Best Judge/ Lifetime Achievement award- Mo, Precision Accidents.
  • Stole the most stuff- Robbers in the Temple
  • Most persistent- La Jodida Muerte
  • Best name change when Pirates became against the rules- The Angry Whores

2007

2007 Awards